Here is a screenplay draft based on the story of the fish and the elevator gag. The abbreviated words are just camera angles which I could possibly use?
Okay Jojo - this has definite potential - but Act 2 feels a bit flat to me somehow. What happens if the fisherman isn't the villain, but the fish is, what I mean is if the audience thinks the fish gets its comeuppance at the end. So imagine, if the fish character is really arrogant and conceited, and somehow pushes his way past everyone else to get into the elevator, because the elevator is for 'the biggest and best fish only' - maybe there's a sign above it saying something like that; and so, the fish tricks and pushes his way into the door - and then finds it's a lift, and he's all excited, I don't know puffing out his chest and doing his hair, and then, when Act 3 reveals that he's basically been tricked, the audience doesn't think 'evil fisherman' the audience thinks 'stooopid fish'.
It doesn't have to obviously be a lift; it can just be a door at first, with all the fish gathered around it wondering what it can be - almost like an x factor audition queue? There's something here - an idea - I can't quite express - but it just feels that looking at the emphasis of your story might help it.
Okay Jojo - this has definite potential - but Act 2 feels a bit flat to me somehow. What happens if the fisherman isn't the villain, but the fish is, what I mean is if the audience thinks the fish gets its comeuppance at the end. So imagine, if the fish character is really arrogant and conceited, and somehow pushes his way past everyone else to get into the elevator, because the elevator is for 'the biggest and best fish only' - maybe there's a sign above it saying something like that; and so, the fish tricks and pushes his way into the door - and then finds it's a lift, and he's all excited, I don't know puffing out his chest and doing his hair, and then, when Act 3 reveals that he's basically been tricked, the audience doesn't think 'evil fisherman' the audience thinks 'stooopid fish'.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to obviously be a lift; it can just be a door at first, with all the fish gathered around it wondering what it can be - almost like an x factor audition queue? There's something here - an idea - I can't quite express - but it just feels that looking at the emphasis of your story might help it.